It comes apart at the seam right from the start, or so it seems. I wait for you to call the others, tell your name to stop the bother; tell the others that you know that it’s alright. You’re never coming home. You know the end, you tell them that your back won’t bend. I gave them all an answer: “It’s always been you”. So trust me like I do. It’s always been you.
You will never find what you’re looking for staring at a light from your open door. It’s all you have to hide, maybe half the time. You will never find what you’re looking for looking from behind. So take another look at your open door and step into your mind. You called out the old ones, you shut them down - you won’t allow. You called out the old ones. What leaves a bitter taste will always erase. You called out the old ones and I never would. You will never find what you’re looking for looking from inside. Staring at a light at your open door, paint it in your mind and you’ll never find. You will never find what you’re looking for looking from inside. So take another look at your open sore, it’s all you have to hide.
Way up at our window, high from the top. Look down on the people so small like melody on top. Maybe it’s not worth it to keep looking, to see with my own two eyes. It seems like it’s something I’ll never describe. Maybe it’s so cool that you took water - an ocean of such great size, a magnitude you can’t hide - and made it undrinkable. To drink in the crimson is fine - to drink in a moment til purity’s end. I can’t pretend you’re not leaving but I can sew up my eyes. If this is the end I’ll find meaning in nothing I could have described. I’ll never bend, I won’t mean it. I’d burst out from my insides. I can’t pretend you’re not leaving. To drink in a moment til purity’s end. Something I got gave out and nothing I could give you then could ever get you home without a doubt.
Are you fading? I’ve been trying to catch a glimpse of you. Are you catering to my tastes in what you do? I catch nothing but a looking glass impression of your view. Am I so radiant you can see right through my hue? Are you waiting? ‘Cause I’ve been waiting too. Are you waiting? ‘Cause I will wait for you. 400 years I thought I’d make it. Through all my tears I thought I’d tell you. Are you waiting? Waiting for us, waiting for something rough. Would I trade in all these thoughts I’ve had of trading it for you. So shameless of me to mistake this for a chance to immolate the life I knew. I wanna dive in your ocean, head against your tide. I wanna dive into your scenery, fly into your view. I wanna dive into your skyline, float against your sky. I’d forgotten almost everything heading straight into your light
It's like you always told me, right: who was I to know? It’s like I’m always finding, right: baby I’ve a right to know. It’s what you wouldn’t say that could hurt you. It’s what I pulled away that bleeds my palms. And if I cut away to the pastures greener than today would you look my way or run away? Don’t run away. I’ve seen the grass and it’s greener. I’ve seen what I’ve got to do. I’ve seen an ending much finer if I go my way without you. If I could change my ways (the ways that hurt you), take a balmy day and make it cool like blood, I would rip away my only virtue. Might as well pull my name - like my vices - through the mud.
The library’s closing. The doors they don’t shut. Stand on your face, you know every bone is cut. What’s here now laughing when the guilt sucks from bone? And you stare in amazement that there’s no mortal form. So cuss your bones and cut your teeth anew ‘cause in time you’ll be changing. There’ll be times you never knew. So to those that walk and move your blues on and to those that walk and try your shoes on: soon they’ll find out from your distant shout the cause you’re not making - you’re not faking - but they won’t feel the potent love that you’d asked for. I see them crying. I see them mourn your form. I see them thinking to cut towards the bone. I’m out here now paddling. The shack’s on its own and I recover gladly just to caught what we’re shown. And the mess that’s been traced is lost from this home. And to lose with you gladly we’d be brothers alone.
All these cuts to the ending, all this making out something that’s in sight. Peering out from the edges, trying to send off a partridge in full flight. I was calling for clouds and rain when the storm broke. I was in vain but who was I to decide. All this fighting, all this asking the sky to show restraint. This is what you wanted, isn’t it? Almost nothing. All this crying for endings, all these tried out beginnings that time would assume. All I tried was the edges, now I’m waking up earlier, I assume. I was making the corners when you were cooking all the leaves that you believed you could hide. All I tried was the ending but it’s always something - always nothing with you. All this mid level whining, all this sacred defending of your time. I was calling for easy,you were trying for meaning I would hide. It’s always something.
How did I tolerate a second look at the books? It’s just like you to wonder and not like me to stare, and just like you to care. Oh, how I wish I could. How did I eviscerate a second chance at change? All I ever wanted was to win back my home - the white picket fence they’ll say I earned on my own. How did I commiserate with anyone at all? It’s just some people talking and I need both my faces to give myself this long hard look you’re telling me I need. How does it feel to be right all the time? Must be nice. Oh, we walked like Irish Travellers and spoke like falling leaves. Our tongues tied in innocence, our ideas tied up in the people we’d meet. I turned to you suddenly: “Are you listening to me?” You turned to me suddenly: “If I’d ever known you I’d have set you free”. You know I’m tired of waiting.
Don’t know how much more I can take if you tip the scale again in my favour or yours.Can I retreat to this corner again, take another swing at the bag and leave a gaping shot for you? ‘Cause I’ve shown it there and what did that do? If you ever wanted you could go off and find yourself. I know this motion and stillness still resides in you. Never thought that I would leave you there alone. Never thought that I could take it for long. Didn’t think that I would need a moment to myself. Didn’t think I would give it from home. You wanna give it up, but something I had would get lost in the light of a touch. You wanna give it up, but it’s a light in yourself that goes out. If you ever wanted you could go off and find yourself. It’s a long time coming; It’s a long time to fight with yourself.